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This assignment originated with the summer reading textbook Student Voice, a collection of short student-written editorials, published by the New York Times. The students were assigned to read one from each category and annotate, about 12-13 essays. After we discussed several of the essays in the book, each student chose their own topic, wrote a first draft on paper, completed research, participated in peer review and feedback, and then submitted a final, polished third draft. There was a 500 word limit and they had to use two outside sources. Ms. Lowe then picked the three strongest essays from each section for a total of 12 finalists. Those finalists were invited to FLEX to revise their essays once again. The revisions were passed along to a panel of judges, Mrs. Kanipe, Madame Tedder, and Ms. Lord, who narrowed down the winners.
“Your mom!” Every teenagers’ response to any question, one that creates a room full of laughter. Not for me. I would sit in the corner with a bright red face just wishing I could disappear because my mom was dead. She died when I was a year old. 376 days old. 541,440 minutes old. The joke wasn’t funny when I was five and it is still not funny at seventeen. All I have ever wanted is for a teacher to tell them to stop, but nobody ever did. There needs to be discussions in schools about not all families looking the same. School systems must change.
I remember walking into my seventh-grade English class, pulling out my journal, and looking up at the prompt. I turned numb, my eyes began filling with tears, my bottom lip quivering as I read, “How would you react if you met your mom for the first time when you were 13?” How would I react? I would jump with joy, I would cry the happiest tears of my life, I would give a hug like no other. As I began to write, a teardrop hit my paper and I was overcome by a feeling of loneliness; this prompt was my dream, I just wanted to know my mother. I quickly ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and fell to the ground. No child should be put in that situation. School systems must change.
For the past fifteen years, I have just waited for the day people would finally understand. Understand not every child goes home to a mom and a dad. Understand not every girl has a mom to braid their hair. Understand not every student can list a mother’s phone number on an information sheet. I shouldn’t have to explain why I can’t answer that question. According to The Journal of Human Resources, the number of two-parent families has rapidly declined since 1970, when it was approximately 85% (Lang and Zagorsky). As this number decreases, school systems should be adapting, but they are not. School systems must change.
Growing up without a mom affects kids in countless ways. A 2021 study showed that mother-child relationships are related to children’s internalization of problems; therefore, higher-quality relationships are related to lower levels of internalizing problems (Xu). The internalization of feelings leads to lower self-esteem, emotional instability, and a fear of attachment (Hurd). This is like having a bag of yarn but nobody to knit it into the sweater you need. It is like making mac-and-cheese and not adding the cheese. These effects can be detrimental and deserve to be recognized. School systems must change.
Young students must be taught that not all families look the same. Teachers should avoid asking for “mother” or “father” information, rather just ask for “guardian” information. They should correct students' “jokes” about parents. Teachers must begin advocating for students, no matter their family situation because making one more student feel comfortable is a true success.
Works Cited
Hurd, Sherrie. “7 Painful Psychological Effects of Growing Up Without a Mother.” Learning Mind, 20 September 2022, https://www.learning-mind.com/growing-up-without-a-mother/. Accessed 5 October 2023.
Xu, Gangmin, et al. “Psychological Control and Internalizing Problems: The Mediating Role of Mother-Child Relationship Quality.” Parenting: Science & Practice, vol. 21, no. 2, Apr. 2021, pp. 108–17. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.1080/15295192.2020.1831295.
Lang, Kevin, and Jay L. Zagorsky. “Does Growing Up With A Parent Absent Really Hurt?” Journal of Human Resources, vol. 36, no. 2, Mar. 2001, pp. 253–73. EBSCOhost, https://doi.org/10.2307/3069659.
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